Well...

So I finished seasons 1-3 of parks and Rec so now I need a new hobby. But I think it's maybe time to give a little background on the infamous 'Brendan' issue and why it was the main downfall in my relationship with Kyle.
The short story is that while I was dating this guy Matt, Kyle and I were really close. We would hot tub together and hang out and I always said 'oh we're just friends' but I knew I had feelings for him. I thought he didn't have feelings for me and so I justified our hanging out all the time in that way. Fast forward 8 months and Kyle ends up sleeping over at my house and we kiss. All our feelings come rushing out but I am about to go on a two week vacation with Matt and my family. I promised Kyle I wouldn't tell anyone but my guilt overcame me and I told Matt and then Kyle and I were not friends...

Obviously we resolved the issue, Matt and I broke up about 4 months later and badabing badaboom! Kyle and I began our relationship. Now the issue is that Brendan is also a close friend of mine. Kyle explained many times that he felt uncomfortable with that friendship and so I would stop being friends with Brendan for awhile but then I would start to feel guilty because he didn't do anything. But after about a million times of me promising I would not be friends with Brendan, and breaking that promise (whether or not I should have made that promise is completely irrelevant, I said I would do something and continually failed to do it.) But Kyle finally had enough. There were of course other factors, such as I needed all his time, and I was always late, and I wouldn't show him enough affection sometimes but those were all small factors, the major problem was Brendan.

After looking back on my relationship a bit more, I realized that my personal issues with self esteem, and dependence and constantly needing external validation really added and are the deep rooted problems that lead to a lot of the issues in our relationship. I am not trying to take full blame because relationships are a two way street but I know that my problems took the driver seat most of the time with the downfall of this relationship. I new I needed to be alone after I broke up with Matt but my intimate relationship with Kyle and everything I already had with him was such an incentive to be together. I am punching myself in the face now for not stopping and saying 'Look I like you a lot but I really think I need to be alone for awhile, I have been with someone almost consistently since I was 14 and I need to be single to work on myself." Had I just been able to say that I might still have Kyle as my best friend and I would probably still have him as my boyfriend but I guess you live and learn.